Recovery

Many of the books I have read about autism are written by mothers of autistic children. I enjoy these books because I can empathize with these women; I feel their pain when they first hear the word "Autism", and I feel their unparalleled joy the first time their child says, "I love you." However, I am finding that the majority of these books describe the child as having "recovered" from autism. I have never believed that there was a cure for autism, and I had not heard until I read these books that anyone could be "recovered." Sometimes I have hope, dreams if you will, that this could be true. My Noah could possibly recover from autism. My Noah could behave just like a neurologically "normal" child. Could it be true?

I just have not seen any signs that he will recover. He has made progress over the last couple years, but nothing that would indicate in any way that he could recover. The progress has been slow and steady, but the academic, language, and social gap between him and his peers is increasing.

Anger is the feeling I am left with after I think of this "recovery" the books tell about. How dare they bring up my hopes, just to have me feel let down when I consider the facts of my own situation. These books tell of moms who worked nonstop 24/7 with their child. Women who refused to accept that autism would be a life sentence for their child. I am left wondering, "Am I not doing enough?" "Is it my fault that his accomplishments have not compared to these children portrayed in the books?"

Noah, I believe, is a more typical child with autism than the children I read about in the books. I constantly remind myself of that. In the meantime, I will continue to celebrate every new vocabulary word and every small step that takes us closer to our ultimate goal - For Noah to reach his True Potential, whatever it is.