Nothing to Fear but Fear itself

I remember a time not so long ago, when Noah was about 18 months old. He spent three days a week at a reputable Daycare not far from where I worked. I picked him up after work one day to find an oval teeth print on his right cheek. The imprint was so detailed, I probably would have been able to identify the child who left it, if I had wanted. It was as clear as dental records!! I was, of course, horrified. After I calmed down, and was driving home, I realized it would have been just as bad had MY CHILD been the one who did the biting. No mother wants to hear that her child had injured another child. I sympathized with the mother (whoever she was) who had to sign the injury report that day.

Noah has never injured another child. I hear stories of autistic children who pull hair, bite, pinch, and hit other children. Mine never did. The other children have always ADORED Noah, and in school, his classmates often fight over who gets to be his hallway buddy. There are even "neurologically normal" peers who refer to Noah as friend.

A couple weeks ago I attended our monthly meeting at school. Noah's teacher, special education teacher, teacher aide, occupational therapist, speech therapist, and school psychologist were all in attendance. These meetings are often difficult for me. I listen to stories about Noah's inability to attend to a task, his perseverance on movie talk, and sometimes the behavioral problems (hitting his head, not complying with the teacher's request, or flapping his hands). Don't get me wrong. There are also good stories. Stories about a peer helping Noah, or about a really neat art project that he did all on his own, or a math worksheet that he did without assistance. I can tell that the school personnel that work with him truly do care for Noah, and love working with him.

This meeting was different. I usually shed a few tears; enough for one kleenex, and then I am fine. At this meeting, however, I needed a few more kleenex. The teacher told me what happened that morning, and it was not good. Noah evidently was not quiet during community circle and was asked to sit at his desk. He pounded the desk, then picked UP the desk and slammed it down. Noah then repeatedly hit his head while screaming. The other children were scared. I was told that after Noah was removed from the classroom, the children asked questions and needed to be consoled. A thirty minute conversation with the class was required because his classmates now "feared" him. They asked the teacher if he would hit them next. That was the hardest meeting I have attended up to this point.

Up until now I have worried about Noah's academic ability, his social ability, his ability to take care of himself and follow directions. I have never had to worry about his classmates acceptance. They have always loved him. I've never feared that they would FEAR him. This is unchartered ground for me. And I. am. scared.