Thankful

I have been noticing many of my friends posting something they are thankful for every day this month. On a good day, I could think of more than a few dozen things to be thankful for. Today, however, is not a good day. In fact, it has not been a good week. When you are having a difficult week with an autistic child in the home, these negative scenarios overshadow everything to be thankful for. Yup.........that's what happens.

It was my decision a few years ago to call this blog "embracing autism". It has been my honor to write about all the positives that overshadow the negative. I have always thought that if I encourage anyone out there who is parenting a child on the Spectrum to keep doing what they are doing, to let them know they are not alone, and to help them see all the positive traits their child brings to their family and to this world, then I am doing a great service. Just one person. Just one.

Today, however, is my day to say, "I know". I know how you feel when you are up all night with a 12 year old who is pounding the wall. I know how you feel when the guilt is overwhelming because you haven't been able to attend to the normally functioning child in the household due to the extended hours with the one suffering at the time. I know how you feel when your child's skills start to regress. I know how you feel when the cocktail of medications prescribed by the pediatrician and psychiatrist stop working.

I know what it is like to feel helpless.

My purpose today is to say, "You are not alone."

My son Noah uses movies to describe how he feels, and to find the right words for the situation he is in at the time. So I will try that here. At the end of the credits of Toy Story 2, there are some "out-takes." Barbie comes on and very cheerily says, "Bye, Bye now.......Bye Bye." Then her mouth falls into a frown and she says "Is everybody gone?..........Good, because my cheeks are killing me!" I take pride in the fact that other parents connect with me because of the positive spin I can put onto every autistic behavior. I take pride that I go into public with a smile and genuinely cheerful attitude with my children. But I am as exhausted as Barbie!

So here I sit, munching down fun-size candy bars and typing on my blog about my shitty week. I *know* others have it worse than I do. I *know* there are more positives in my life than negatives. However, today is not a day I see that. Maybe tomorrow will be better. But for today, I am giving myself a belly ache and puffy eyes because every once in a while, a Mom just needs a day off. Let's call it "Mental Health Day."