These past few weeks have been some of our most difficult. We chose to see a pediatrician to inquire about a medication change for Noah to stop some of his self abusive behavior. He had also started hitting school personnel, therapists, and myself. Because of the medication he is already taking, Noah has gained approximately 30 pounds, and is now bigger and stronger. This scares me.
The medication the doctor chose to add with the one Noah already takes did calm Noah during the first six to seven hours after it was taken. Noah was coming home from school with wonderful behavioral reports. But when it wore off at home, the tantrums grew in duration and intensity. When I complained, the doctor recommended a third medication to help with the side effects of the new, second medication. WHAT????? Doesn't it make more sense to eliminate the medication? Am I crazy to think that way?? What am I not getting?
Today, Noah fell apart about an hour earlier than he normally does. Unfortunately, that means he was in school. The other children and some parents who were visiting school witnessed one of his meltdowns. I have tried so hard to isolate these behaviors from others. The last thing I need added to the mix is to have Noah's peers fear him in any way, or to have parents forbid their own child to be near mine. Noah has never hurt a peer, and I am absolutely certain that he would never intentionally hurt anyone. This community has embraced Noah in ways I cannot describe, and I am so very thankful for that.
It is difficult for me to describe what I am going through with Noah. Friends are supportive, and compliment my parenting skills and patience. However, they do not see what goes on behind the closed doors of my home. I try to hide the daily tears and emotional pain that occurs when I helplessly watch my child continually pound his head against the floor or the wall or when he pinches himself, or pulls his own hair. I try to hide the insecurity I feel as an autism consultant who doesn't have the answers for how to help her OWN child. I am constantly analyzing every situation, looking for a reason behind these tantrums. I cannot figure it out, and it terrifies me!
I believe every behavior happens for a reason. Children on the spectrum are communicating a want or a need with every behavior they exhibit. I am frustrated with how long it is taking me to figure out what need or want Noah is communicating. In the meantime, the tantrums are increasing. I hope I find the answer soon.
Thanks for all the encouraging statements and compliments. I really do appreciate them. I will use the positive remarks to motivate me to continue my journey to find the answers.
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